LISTEN TO THIS SONG... NOW!

No, it's not what we meant to say.
We don’t really love each other.
What happens when the summer’s over? How long before distance becomes a chore? I'm approaching with great, great trepidation. I hope you’ll understand.

Before you speak think about what you're trying to say. Who else is there to blame for miscommunication? You're getting caught up in the excitement. You making promises you can’t keep. You need to leave all your options open.

Too much momentum. This room feels like it's going to explode.
Too many angles.
Too many factors to cover.
Waiting for signal.
You're searching for network.
You have to fight to stay in control of the situation.
Anxiety, Anxiety you give me no mercy.
Grind my teeth smooth and flat in my sleep.
We took some pills to calm us down. Then we needed help to come back up. Just trying to stay in control of the situation.

Too much momentum. This room feels like it's going to explode.
Too many angles.
Too many factors to cover.
Waiting for signal.
You're searching for network.
You have to fight to stay in control of the situation. They fall apart so easily.
Too much momentum. This room feels like it's going to explode.
Too many angles.
Too many factors to cover.
Waiting for signal.
You're searching for network.
You have to fight to stay in control. You have to fight to stay in control. No, you don’t have to fight to stay in control of the situation.
(AgainstMe! w/ Tegan Quin- borne on the fm waves of the heart)
I would have put the video up, but the embedded link to do so was disabled.
Go to youtube and watch it.
Also, please enjoy my screencap.
Lol.

Feels like the story of my life.

lovelove.

Love pull your sore ribs in

I will pull your tangles out

In the back of your car 

I feel like I have traveled nowhere

What will bring me home

What will make me stay (stay)

What will bring me home

What will make me stay (stay)

I don't know

I don't know

I don't know

Dear Tegan and Sara- you are amazing.

That is all, goodnight.

lovelove.

I'll take your head off tonight...

I'll take your head off tonight.

Vlad Impaler style.

(Because it's all in the eyes...)

I once took a test that was supposed to tell "what serial killer would you be"...

My results came up as Vlad the Impaler.

I find this hillarious.

And most likely accurate.

Work is SOOOOO SLOOOOW today that I could just die.

But it's ok, because boss-man isn't here and I can do what I want.

(Doing what I want, see: reading magazines, taking lots of smoke breaks, drinking Naked juice at the desk, and listening to good music.)

Yes indeed kids- I am bored as fuck.

One client on a slow day like this is hell.

I'm having extreme sushi cravings, and could use a good nap.

So... it is officially a new year, and I suppose thus far, 2010 has been treating me fairly well really.

Can we say suprised?

Highlights as of the last two weeks...

1. Chest piece complete. A+!

2. New shoulder tattoo. Awesome!

3. So much delicious food/ drink. Amazing!

4. Quite busy at work (except today.) Fantastic!

5. GORGEOUS SHOES. (Ohmahgawd...) INCREDIBLE!

And now let me take a moment to say, I don't make resolutions because I find them pointless.

Why make a promise to do something that you know you aren't going to make good on- seriously?

So if you wonder why I haven't listed mine in this space, please refer to the section above... because that is why.

(I prefer not to set myself up intenionally for failure thanks.)

Now please go listen to some Spinnerette and eappreciate it- because I have been pretty much non-stop for the last week...

So so good.

Now a little something...

My iPod "on the go" mix from this past weekend.

MGMT- time to pretend, electric feel

MSI- shut me up, straight to video, ultra sex

Nine Inch Nails- the only time

The Organ- memorize the city

Outkast- ms. jackson

Queen- killer queen

Third Eye Blind- faster

Atmosphere- god loves ugly, always coming back home to you, trying to find a balance

Brand New- seventy times seven

The Faint- worked up so sexual, glass danse

The Gossip- Men in love

Lady Gaga- beautiful, dirty, rich

Lily Allen- not fair, the fear, everyone's at it

Spinnerette- valium knights, ghetto love, all babes are wolves, impaler, geeking

Against Me!- wagon wheel

Off to do some work now for real... maybe.

lovelove.

Standing on the outside looking in...

Everybody gets a little lost, sometimes

When you feel your time is running out

You know your love has stalled

When you feel alone and dreams from your younger years

Are telling you what's gone

Then ask yourself why people fall apart

Because they don't realize that something just ain't right

When you lay down on your pillow at home tonight

You got to realize your holding on to something that aint right

I believe in this fire burning inside of me

You're never alone but you're always on your own

Lost in love and desire, never again

I promised myself I'd be searching for someone new

Smothered by his word

She's selling freedom that you can afford

To everyone but yourself

You're down on luck tonight

You're down, down, down there's nowhere left to turn

Because now you're all alone

HAYHAYHAY... The Sounds album Crossing the Rubicon is fan-fucking-tastic.

For real.

So just a little update...

I got a flat tire last week, and I just got it fixed today (ran and did it during work) and I must say, now I really really wish I hadn't driven over a fucking roofing nail.

Because guess what...

MY TIRE WAS FUCKED.

And guess what else...

Due to the fact that my tire was in the condition it was, it couldnt be repaired.

Thats right kids.

I had to buy a new tire and have all of mine rotated and shit to match.

To the tune of $121.76 no less.

Yep.

I got fucked... and it definitely didnt feel good.

COOL FUCKING LIFE.

Also, my boss fired someone, had a replacement within two days, and now I have to train her in.

(Thanks you fucking dick.)

At least she seems sweet...

OH JESUS... please let her not be a crazy bitch.

Oh and yeah, lets hope she isnt a dumbass as well.

Kay thanks.

EVEN COOLER LIFE.

But hey, I've had tons of return clients the last two weeks, and everyone has left happy.

So Roger, next time you want to say my work is "too sleek" and mean it negatively...

Please take the book, and forcibly insert it into your ass.

...Just look at my books recently and see that I've made you A LOT of fucking money, and I do all the extra work... and get nothing for it.

Really, is "thanks" too much to ask for?

Maybe.

I guess.

On a lighter note, Ive been having some weird, confusing, and some fantastic days recently.

I think I only need to sum things up in this manner...

State fair+ copius amounts of beer+ amazing friends.

Really hot ladies.

Second and third floor wine pour.

Valleyfair.

Seeing lots of people I havent seen for too long.

Amazing new shoes.

Matte nail polish.

Enough free time to read books.

Taking the pups on walks.

73 degree weather.

Making mad tips.

...Amongst other things.

Thanks everyone who has made shitty times a little brighter.

lovelove.

Voltage running through her skin...

all along the western front

people line up to receive

she got the current in her hand

just shock you like you won't believe

sun in the amazon

with the voltage running through her skin

standing there with nothing on

shes gonna teach me how to swim

i said ooh girl

shock me like an electric eel

baby girl turn me on with your electric feel

all along the eastern shore

put your circuits in the sea

this is what the world is for

making electricity

you can feel it in your mind

oh you can do it all the time

plug it in, change the world

you are my electric girl

Oh MGMT how much I enjoy you, I cannot say, but just know- that it's a lot.

By the way- I love girls... I dont think I could be gayer if I tried.

(Insert moronic smile here.)

Work is long and boooooring, but I only have an hour and a half left, so thats a plus.

Then I will go home and drink classy $12 box wine, listen to music really loud, and go on a manic cleaning spree!

...Wish me luck.

lovelove.

You're just a midnight snack...

Outfit posts have been lacking... but this is what Im wearing today, and I love this outfit.

-take the money and run t-shirt: the fashion

-cigarette pants: express

-patent peep toe pumps: pulse

-all jewelry: custom or vintage

(And yes- that is a vintage calf skin rug under me in picture #1.)

I fucking love Mickey Avalon.

Have a little taste...

I like a girl with caked up makeup

in the sunshine smoking cigarettes to pass the time

who wakes up to a bottle of wine on the nightstand 

bites and scratches the blinds

but I ain't found one quite right yet

so I step with pep to the park or supermarket

her apartment best be messy

And Lisa don't mind when I call her Leslie 

She's gotta dress with class

in Jean Paul Gaultier and a Hermes bag 

and four inch tips made of ostrich

sharp enough to slit your wrists her lips spread gossip

won't say sorry when she offends

she comes over to my place in her old man's Benz

in gold and silver and jewels of all colors

and she doesn't take them off when we're tearing up the covers

I like a girl who eats and brings it up

a sassy little frassy with bulimia

her best friend's a plastic surgeon

and when her Beamer's in the shop she rolls the Benz

manis and pedis on Sundays and Wednesdays

money from mommy lovely in Versace 

costly sprees, it's on at Barney's

and I love to watch her go through fifty g's calmly

she gets naughty with her pilates body

and thinks it's really funny when her nose goes bloody

'cause the blow is so yummy and it keeps her tummy empty

and makes her act more friendly

dance the night away

and she won't say nothing when she makes your man stray...

Okie dokie, Im off, next post should be a dandy.

lovelove,

Hyena Love...

Ever kissed a Robert, Tyler, Ryan, Andrew or Michael?

2 of those... which is ridiculous, because Im so gay. 

Sometimes i get drunk and do things. :/

Have you ever asked a boy for advice?

Most of my friends are boys, and yes, we talk about things.

Does the last person you kissed hate you?

Im pretty sure thats a no.

If you were in the hospital on life support, would the last person you kissed come to see you?

I suppose I would think so, but its doubtful I would be on life support, as my family would have to make that decision and my dad and I discussed this fairly recently, that neither of us want to be on life support if were likely to die or be brain damaged or basically fucked up forever afterward. Im all for DNR.

Are you currently frustrated with anyone or anything?

I feel like Im always frustrated with pretty much everything.

So yes.

Do you get high all the time?

No. I dont do those things anymore.

Except get my drunk on.

It's 4 in the morning, your phone rings, what do you say?

Its not really unusual for me to get phone calls at 4 in the morning. 

And 9 times out of 10 Im awake anyway.

Looking back, did you ever think you'd be where you're at in life now?

Somewhat.

I didnt think Id be this flustered about things though.

Oh to be blissfully naive again.

Do you like cuddling?

That depends on many factors.

Is there anyone who doesn't like you?

In life there is always going to be someone that doesnt like me... I have come to accept this easily.

There are plenty of people I dont care for, so why shouldnt everyone else have the same right?

Is there a person of the opposite sex that means a lot to you?

Like i said, most of my friends are male, and most of my family for that matter.

So yes.

Can you go in public looking like you do?

I currently look like i normally do when I am out in public, so yes.

Where will you be in 2 hours?

Most likely at home, but thats not certain. 

Nothing is ever certain.

What's something you really want right now?

A job that I actually enjoy.

Have you ever punched a hole in the wall?

No. But I accidentally knocked a bathroom tile off a wall at a friends place with my elbow while trying to pull on my pants after a piss... I think the wall hurt me more than I hurt it.

Where were you at 2:00am this morning?

In my living room chatting with boys and cuddling with Forest.

What would you do if you found out the person you like was in a relationship?

Nothing surprises me anymore.

I guess I would be pretty bummed out.

Would you prefer a thunderstorm or for it to be snowing?

I would prefer a thunderstorm for sure.

I love listening to the rain right above my head.

Laptop or Desktop?

I ♥ my Mac laptop.

Even now that its ghetto rigged after a tragic accident.

What is your favorite thing to shop for?

Attire of every kind, and housewares... its a very strange pleasure on my part.

Have you ever fought over the opposite sex?

No. Im a homo, so any "relationships" Ive had with boys werent devastating in that aspect.

Would you rather own a snake or a rabbit?

BUNNIES!

Theyre pretty much amazing pets.

Do you have any shirts with funny sayings on them?

No. 

I find that (generally) quite tacky.

Could you go the rest of your life without smoking a cigarette?

I probably could- but I love to smoke. 

So at this moment in time, I wouldnt choose to do that.

Do you like to take walks?

Indeed! Walks are amazing.

How tall are you?

5' 1  and a 1/2"

Ive come to terms with my shortness.

I wear heels a lot to make my legs longer so I fit in pants better though.

(teehee.)

Have you ever tried your hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end?

Who hasnt?

Have you ever done something outrageously dumb?

Sometimes I feel like thats the story of my life, and Ive also come to terms with that.

Have you ever walked on the beach at night?

Many times.

Do you think sex is bad at your age?

No. Sex is just a decision people make.

I guess maybe its wrong for some people, but I personally am in a fine place for sex.

Are you currently wearing any perfume or cologne?

I am indeed!

Today is: Burberry Touch for her.

What was the last thing you drank?

H2O.

Has a song ever made you cry?

If Im in certain mindsets there is a long list of songs that make me very emotional.

Though actual crying is fairly rare.

Does anyone disgust you?

Oh fuck, let me check my list...

What do you really think of Starbucks Coffee?

I actually really enjoy it. 

But I do not partake often.

Where do you plan on living when you grow up?

I technically am "grown up" I think... 

And I couldnt tell you where I will be 6 months from now.

Im contemplating moving a few 1000 miles away for some perspective though.

What woke you up this morning?

My cat... shes very needy in the mornings.

How many hours did you sleep last night?

About 7 I think.

Do you prefer to take showers at night or in the morning?

Afternoon usually actually... my hair gets out of control if I shower at night and sleep on it.

Tell me about the shirt you're wearing?

Its a long grey, 3/4 sleeve sweatshirt type thing with vertical pockets and a boatneck. 

Its very cozy and perfect for lazy days when I dont feel compelled to wear pants.

Who did you last give the finger to?

I dont even know... pretty sure it was to some asshole that almost took of the front bumper of my car when he cut me off. 

I dont like to honk the car horn really, so I result to hollering obscenities and making angry finger gestures... because Im evolved like that. 

Everyone's caught on to... 

(and I can't let you let me down again) 

So is that what you call a getaway? 

Well tell me what you got away with 

Cause I've seen more spine on jellyfish 

I've seen more guts in eleven-year-old kids 

Have another drink and drive yourself home 

I hope there's ice on all the roads 

And you can think of me when you forget your seatbelt 

then again when your head goes through the windshield 

Is that what you call tact? 

You're as subtle as a brick in the small of my back 

So let's end this call and end this conversation 

And is that what you call a getaway? 

Tell me what you got away with 

Cause you left the frays from the ties you severed 

when you say "best friends" means friends forever 

lovelove.

Let's demonize our soft injuries...

Remember when you were the hunted

Remember when I swallowed you in

Remember the rewards shimmering on the floor

Off the plastic chandelier

Remember when I saw you in orbit

Remember when I pulled you back in

Remember looking on blinking into the dawn

Thinking how this will never end

Surrounded

Let's romanticize

Our beloved memories

Surrounded

Let's demonize

Our soft injuries

Surrounded

Can we get behind

Distortion and liberties

Surrounded

We're surrounded or spiraling

Remember when I played assassin

Remember when my joking turned grim

Remember how we thought if we followed the dots

It would stop all the accidents

Remember when you broke my halo

Remember when I tied your wings in

Remember how we slipped on the lies we equipped

Just to bring back the goods again

Surrounded

Let's romanticize

Our beloved memories

Surrounded

Let's demonize

Our soft injuries

Surrounded

Can we get behind

Distortion and liberties

Surrounded

We're surrounded or spiraling

Is it perfect in our little Hell

Are you dancing or stumbling beside me

Well this might not be

We'll just wait and see

So now that we've stopped hearing echoes

And now that the replay wore thin

Just remember who held you

Remember who held you

Remember who held you

Remember who held you

Remember who held you

Surrounded

Let's romanticize

Our beloved memories

Surrounded

Let's demonize

Our soft injuries

Surrounded

Can we get behind

Distortion and liberties

Surrounded

We're surrounded or spiraling

Is it perfect in our little Hell

Silversun Pickups new CD Swoon is amazing.

Buy it.

Listen to it.

Love it.

Seriously- its fucking haunting and amazing.

lovelove.

Hope you come down with something they can't diagnose, don't have the cure for...

i am heaven sent, DON'T YOU DARE FORGET.
i am all you've ever wanted,
what all the other boys all promised.
sorry i told. 
I JUST NEEDED YOU TO KNOW.
i think in decimals and dollars.
i am the cause to all your problems,
shelter from cold. 
we are never alone.
coordinate brain and mouth.
THEN ASK ME WHAT'S IT LIKE TO HAVE MYSELF SO FIGURED OUT.
I WISH I KNEW...


i hope this song starts a craze.
the kind of song that ignites the airwaves.
the kind of song that makes people glad to be where they are,
WITH WHOEVER THEYRE THERE WITH.
THIS IS WAR.
every line is about who i don't wanna write about anymore.
hope you come down with something they can't diagnose, 
don't have the cure for.
holding on to your grudge.
oh it's so hard to have someone to love.
AND KEEPING QUIET IS HARD.
BECAUSE YOU CAN'T KEEP A SECRET
IF IT NEVER WAS A SECRET TO START.
AT LEAST PRETEND YOU DIDNT WANT TO GET CAUGHT.

we're concentrating on falling apart.
we were contenders, we're throwing the fight
i just wanna believe, i just wanna believe,
i just wanna believe in us.

oh, we're so controversial.
we are entirely smooth.
WE ADMIT TO THE TRUTH,
WE ARE THE BEST AT WHAT WE DO.
and these are the words you wish you wrote down.
this is the way you wish your voice sounds,
handsome and smart.
OH MY TONGUE'S THE ONLY MUSCLE OF MY BODY
THAT WORKS HARDER THAN MY HEART.
and it's all from watching tv,
and from speeding up my breathing.
wouldn't stop if i could.
oh it hurts to be this good.
you're holding on to your grudge.
oh it hurts to always have to be honest
with the one that you love.
so let it go.

we're concentrating on falling apart.
we were contenders, we're throwing the fight
i just wanna believe, i just wanna believe,
i just wanna believe in us.

this is the grace that only we can bestow.
THIS IS THE PRICE YOU PAY FOR LOSS OF CONTROL.
this is the break in the bend,
this is the closest of calls.
this is the reason you're alone,
THIS IS THE RISE AND THE FALL.

we're concentrating on falling apart.
we were contenders, we're throwing the fight
i just wanna believe, i just wanna believe,
i just wanna believe.

Brand New is probably seriously one of my favorites. And this song feels like the fucking story of my life more often than not.

"How is your heart lately?"

A: My heart is slowly, but surely (and thankfully) finding its way back up and out of the pit in my stomach where it has been living.

I am watching tank girl. SO SO SO SO SO FUCKING FABULOUS.

"It's been swell, but the swelling's gone down."

I might have to marry Lori Petty.

For real.

lovelove.

Why yes, I am a natural blue!

Wearing: black cami tank- Express, black t-strap tank- self made, tight ass skirt- Victoria's Secret, leggings- Charlotte Russe, black and bronze gladiator heels- Sam Edelman, patent belt- thrifted?, all jewelry- custom and vintage.

So this was my outfit tonight to see THE FAINT and LADYTRON play at First Ave. 

Fucking incredible. 

They both performed superbly and the sets were nice and long, and the song choices were awesome.

I was a bit drunk for a while there... and I was in good spirits all damn night!

Score one for the home team!

I love when I win.

And might I just say- I feel like that cat that ate the fucking canary tonight.

Oh, and my hair is blue now instead of pink. 

I might be in love with it just a touch...

Buffy time now... 

lovelove.

Tiny dancer...

Just so you know... 

Timothy the turkey and myself are tight... probably just because I don't care for turkey.

And meats in general.

Sometimes I take unflattering photographs of myself... and post them on the internet. 

Todays outfit... 

wearing...
magenta, teal and blue stripe mens button-up: used to be my dads
thick argyle tights: betsy johnson
silver 5 inchers: a gift from meg
black leather belt: stolen from another shirt
jewelry: vintage/ custom

Also, please note my companion ceramic bunny.

I call him Elroy. 

I don't know where all these animals keep coming from, but I enjoy it lots.

(Seriously, its like they multiply and materialize from nowhere.)

Alright, you might not know it, but I love Elton John.

And this is my favorite song...

Blue jean baby, L.A. lady, seamstress for the band
Pretty eyed, pirate smile, you'll marry a music man
Ballerina, you must have seen her dancing in the sand
And now she's in me, always with me, tiny dancer in my hand

Jesus freaks out in the street
Handing tickets out for God
Turning back she just laughs
The boulevard is not that bad

Piano man he makes his stand
In the auditorium
Looking on she sings the songs
The words she knows, the tune she hums

But oh how it feels so real
Lying here with no one near
Only you and you can hear me
When I say softly, slowly

Hold me closer tiny dancer
Count the headlights on the highway
Lay me down in sheets of linen
you had a busy day today

Blue jean baby, L.A. lady, seamstress for the band
Pretty eyed, pirate smile, you'll marry a music man
Ballerina, you must have seen her dancing in the sand
And now she's in me, always with me, tiny dancer in my hand

oh how it feels so real
Lying here with no one near
Only you and you can hear me
When I say softly, slowly 

Hold me closer tiny dancer
Count the headlights on the highway
Lay me down in sheets of linen
you had a busy day today

If you have never heard this song, please listen to it.

Its amazing, and I swear that I get chills every time I hear it.

It would be on the soundtrack to my life.

Which come to think of it, I will probably have to put together and post, as it will probably be silly and a really awkward combination of songs.

As for now, I'm off to try and tackle a bit of cleaning.

lovelove.

I don't sleep, so I blog...

Recently it has occurred to me that because I fail to sleep much in the night, I need something to preoccupy my time. Therefore obviously, writing in a blog containing musings and details of my life seemed like an appropriate use of the ungodly night hours that I tend to keep. 

Last night I actually ventured out and about... (actually "going out" on big adventures is a fairly rare occasion for me.) THE FAINT was playing in the heart of downtown  Minneapolis, naturally meaning that I felt it was pretty important to head down there and enjoy... despite the fact that there is always a chance of being mugged / and or / (at the very least) heckled. 

This I should mention, was also a bit of a rescue mission for a friend, who was on what we all suspect was intended by the other party to be a date. But myself and three other friends ruined that. 

I guess thats kind of what we are good for though... Making situations less awkward. 

Or maybe more awkward. 

That probably depends on who you ask.

Maybe.

Well in any case, the first two bands were quite awful really, but the faint played an amazing show- it was super fantastic, they played a long time, and whoever was running sound and lights for that gets an A+ from me.

I would also like to mention the man in the UV reactive full body suit. All throughout the show, he danced with enthusiasm and impressive moves, thrusted himself on many a nervous person, and made a lot of people genuinely uncomfortable. 

Props to you, inappropriate dancing full body suit guy- I am sure that you probably are not paid enough for that, but you made my night just that much better.

This is what i wore to the show, but i also had a sweater on with it for some of the night. It gets very cold in Minnesota... in case you hadn't heard. 

I am wearing...

white tank: express
black racer tank: DIY
blackwash skinny jeans: express
patent three buckle waistbelt: charlotte russe
patent ankle boots: guess
jewelry: custom/ vintage

Now I suppose it is time for me to be off... 

lovelove.