Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Teen angst in the 20's?

For some reason, every time my day starts out well, I seem to fall flat on my ass by the end.
Despite the fact that I woke up with probably less than 2 hours of sleep under my belt, I was in a pretty chipper mood.
And by noon, I had been fairly productive, and was feeling pretty decent about my day. Even good. Then today of all days, the shit hit the fan and I am now pretty much left feeling like a pile of menstural-stricken, hurt, angsty mess.
I thought that after you were out of your teens, angst was supposed to go away.
Apparently that is a huge misconception.
No, OBVIOUSLY it is.
Because I sure am feeling it.
I hate crying.
I especially hate it when it pretty much takes up half of my day.
When not only does it drain me of my energy, it makes me sound stupid when attempting to talk, causes me to look like an idiot when the person driving next to me looks over to see me sobbing like a fool, but it also makes me feel like an incredible douchebag all at the same time.
Oh god.
What the fuck happend.
And why do I feel the need to babble on about it now.
And why can't life just be like you see in movies, when there is undoubtably a happy ending.
I've felt the need to barf on several occasions today, and have done so.
So pretty much whatever dignity I felt that I had left, is now entirely gone.
Ok. Sorry, I didn't really want to bring this to that level. Shit just happens sometimes I guess.
And writing this now has hopefully prevented me from making any stupid decisions for the rest of my evening.
Now I suppose it is time for a cigarette, and then try to sleep so that my buzzing mind will quiet for the time being. Though that tends to be what makes falling asleep hard in the first place.
I just wish I knew the right thing to do.

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